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Health & Fitness

Alone for the Holidays? 3 Tips for Newly Divorced Parents

There is nothing more painful than ending a marriage in which there are children who will be undoubtedly affected by this decision.  Custody, visitation and child support are key issues, but at the core of a divorce where there are children is the pain of knowing that no-matter how well you help your child transition through the divorce process, they will never-again experience both parents as one family with the same traditions, the same Sunday mornings, the same vacations, or the same day-to-day lives.

Holidays will be spent at Mom or Dad’s and this can be accompanied by a sense of loss and a sense of always missing someone.  Birthdays, graduations and family reunions will be experienced in separate camps.  As a parent, how do you navigate the inevitable changes your family will experience in a divorce?

Here a 3 helpful hints for newly divorced parents:

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1)      Start a new trend- Creating new ways to be together as a family is imperative.  It is easy for both custodial, non-custodial and parents who have joint custody to feel pressured to make the time together feel special.  Going overboard on activities can make you feel like a cruise director and not a parent.  Going for walks, cooking together, and having family game night is a great way to just be together.  You don’t need trips to Disney to make your child feel loved and it will not help them adapt to changes in their home-life.

2)      Keep it Simple – Single parenting will stretch you beyond your physical, psychic and emotional limits.  You need to be resilient which means rebooting and recharging your energy.  You need all your energy to be present and healthy for your kids. Resist over-scheduling and don’t be afraid to set-limits on activities that drain your time, energy or financial resources.

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3)      Talk, talk, talk…even in the most amicable of divorces, children can experience vastly different feelings from their parents.  It is really important to help your child ventilate his/her feelings even when they are hard to hear.  Children of divorce often become guarded and afraid to tell their parents how they really feel out of fear of alienating that parent further, or hurting their feelings when they may be already fragile.  Let your children know you are there for them and that their issues are their own.

If you would like more information on divorce resources and support, please call the Lynnfield Family Center: (781) 484-6209 or visit our website: http://www.lynnfieldfamilycenter.org

Leslie Miller, LICSW

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