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Health & Fitness

Marrying after 50? Ask these Questions First

Excerpts from 5 key issues to consider before you decide whether to tie the knot. by Elizabeth O'Brien

Marriage at any age involves practical considerations, but this holds especially true for older adults, because they’re likely to have built families, acquired assets and maybe developed a pre-existing medical condition or two.

More than one in three people ages 50 to 64 are divorced, widowed, separated, or never married, according to the Census Bureau. When these folks find love, a big question becomes, “Can you join finances and still maintain the lifestyle you want?” said Bobbi Palmer, founder and CEO of Date Like a Grownup, a dating and relationship coaching company for women over 40.

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That’s a broad question that encompasses everything from retirement goals and estate planning to medical and long-term care concerns. It’s not roses and chocolate, but think of it this way: When you love someone, it can be an act of deep caring to consider how their financial and medical needs may mesh with your own.

Love after 50 is complicated. 

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Palmer advises opening up about your baggage, be it financial or medical, as soon as you realize that a relationship has potential. That could be as early as the second or third date, she said, before you discuss whether the two of you should see one another exclusively. (This kind of honesty is important at any age, of course, but let’s face it—when you’re older, you’ve got more baggage.)

This isn’t the time for a long sob story, Palmer said. It’s simply to introduce a concern along the lines of, “I’m really enjoying getting to know you and I think we have potential, so there is something I think it’s important to share about myself.” Briefly mention your debt or your heart condition and let your date respond. This opens the lines of communication for more detailed discussions down the road, she said.

To marry or not to marry...

Below, we’ve rounded up some issues to consider when weighing marriage at midlife. While opting not to marry is sometimes easier from a financial perspective, the decision to remain unwed raises separate issues for people in a committed relationship, experts say, since marriage affords certain protections.

Ideally, parties will consult an attorney and a financial adviser before walking down the aisle in midlife and beyond. “I’ve killed off a few marriages before they happened,” said Howard S. Krooks, an elder-law attorney with offices in Rye Brook, N.Y. and Boca Raton, Fla., and president of the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys. From a purely financial point of view, Krooks often counsels clients against matrimony, although he noted there are plenty of good, noneconomic reasons to get hitched.

Credit

You’re not going to catch your spouse’s poor credit as you would a cold. However, if you apply for credit jointly, such as for a mortgage, then a low score will drag down your application. And if your partner’s debt goes into collections, “collections calls are irritating for both spouses,” said John Ulzheimer, credit expert at CreditSesame.com.

What’s more, if poor credit affects one spouse’s ability to get a job, that will certainly affect the whole household, Ulzheimer said. Also be aware of any credit-related liabilities that your partner may have in the closet, Ulzheimer said. For example, he may be responsible for paying off a portion of his ex’s debt, and that could weigh down the family budget.

Social Security

Under certain circumstances, divorced people age 62 or older who were married 10 years or longer can receive benefits based on their ex-spouse’s work record (even if the ex has remarried). However, these divorced spouse’s benefits will end if the recipient remarries. If that subsequent marriage ends, the recipient could be entitled to reclaim the benefits from the first ex-spouse.

Couples need to have been married for at least one continuous year before applying to collect spousal benefits based on each other’s records, according to the Social Security Administration.

The rules are a bit different when it comes to survivor’s benefits claimed by widows or widowers. If the survivor remarries before reaching age 60, he or she cannot continue to receive benefits as a surviving spouse based on the deceased spouse’s record; however, if the survivor remarries after 60, he or she will continue to qualify for those benefits.

Taxes and estates

If you marry and plan to file income taxes jointly, consider whether your combined income will push you into a higher tax bracket, said Pepper Schwartz, the love and relationship ambassador for AARP and the author of “Dating After 50 for Dummies.” Even though this knowledge may not sway your decision either way, it will help avoid unpleasant surprises, she said.

Estate planning can get complicated when people remarry later in life, especially if there are children in the picture from prior relationships. Trusts can be used to set aside assets for both the children and the new spouse. While property laws vary by state—and the duration of the marriage can be a factor in how assets are allocated after a death—without a trust the new spouse could stand to inherit assets from the deceased spouse, taking precedence over any adult children.

Trusts can also protect non-spouses in an unequal financial partnership. For example, let’s say a retired man of modest means moves in with a high-powered surgeon. The two decide not to marry, in part because the surgeon’s adult kids oppose the union. A trust could be established to provide for the man if the surgeon dies or becomes incapacitated.

The surgeon could also take out life insurance with her boyfriend as the beneficiary to give him funds upon her death. To do this, the surgeon would need to be in relatively good health, and the relationship would have to be deemed serious and legitimate by the insurance company, said Jean-Marc Fix, vice president of research and development at Optimum Re Insurance Company in Dallas.

Financial and health-care directives

Many people consider what will happen if their loved one dies, but fewer think about their partner losing capacity and becoming unable to care for him or herself, said Brad Frigon, a trusts, estates and elder law attorney in Denver and president-elect of the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys. It’s critical for partners—whether married or not—to name one another health care power of attorney. This legal document will allow the well partner to make medical decisions on behalf of the unwell partner. Securing a health care power of attorney will also help ensure that unmarried partners can visit one another in the hospital.

A financial power of attorney allows a trusted person to handle the financial affairs of someone else who isn’t capable. This can be important both for married and unmarried partners, but may prove particularly vital for the latter if the couple has kept their finances separate and the need arises to pay for medical or other expenses.

In either situation, it’s a good idea to let your adult kids know your plans, to avoid any hurt feelings and to let them know if they’re second in line in the event that the new spouse can’t serve in that capacity.

Long-term care

Does your prospective spouse have a long-term care insurance policy? If not, how does he or she expect to pay for future help, if needed, with activities of daily life such as bathing and dressing? Medicare doesn’t cover this type of custodial care, either at home or in a facility.

In this scenario, it’s worth noting: Couples often get better rates when buying long-term care insurance together than women can get applying on their own. 

Medicaid pays for long-term care services for beneficiaries who meet stringent financial requirements that vary by state. Generally, the beneficiary has to have depleted his assets, and combining assets can affect people’s Medicaid eligibility. For some couples, this may be a reason to keep their financial lives separate, even as their personal lives merge.

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